Discussing sensitive legal matters like a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) can feel daunting. It’s a crucial first step, though, to ensure loved ones are protected in the future. While this topic might evoke discomfort or fear, approaching the conversation with care and empathy can make all the difference. This article provides some practical steps on ‘how to talk about Lasting Power of Attorney’.
Why talking about the Lasting Power of Attorney is important
Life is unpredictable and while we hope for the best, preparing for the unexpected is a responsible choice. Establishing an LPA ensures that:
- Your loved one’s wishes are respected even if they cannot express them.
- Financial and medical decisions can be managed seamlessly by a trusted individual.
- Unnecessary stress and legal complications are avoided for the family during a crisis.
Despite its importance, many people avoid the topic due to the emotional weight it carries. However, delaying or avoiding the conversation can leave families vulnerable to legal and emotional challenges.
When to Have the Conversation
Timing is essential when bringing up the topic of an LPA. Waiting until a loved one is in poor health or facing a crisis may make the conversation more stressful and less productive. Ideally, the discussion should take place when everyone involved is in a calm, clear-headed state. Consider these factors when choosing the right time:
- Early Planning is Key
It’s never too early to discuss an LPA. Introducing the idea when everyone is in good health allows for a thoughtful, unrushed decision-making process. - Look for Natural Openings
Use current events, personal experiences, or news stories to discuss the topic. For example:
“I was reading about someone who had trouble managing their parent’s affairs because they didn’t have a Power of Attorney in place. It made me think about how we’d handle something like that.” - Choose a Quiet, Comfortable Setting
Avoid bringing up the LPA during family gatherings or stressful moments. A private, relaxed environment fosters open and honest communication.
Preparing for the Conversation
Before initiating the discussion, it’s important to prepare thoroughly. This ensures you can explain the concept clearly and address any concerns your loved one may have.
Understand What an LPA Entails
Familiarise yourself with the basics of an LPA, including the different types:
- Health and Welfare LPA: Covers decisions about healthcare, medical treatment, and living arrangements.
- Property and Financial Affairs LPA: Covers financial matters like paying bills, managing investments, or selling property.
Gather Relevant Resources
Provide brochures, links, or information from trusted sources (e.g., My Power of Attorney – Beginner’s Guide , government websites or legal advisors). Having these materials on hand can help demystify the process.
Anticipate Questions and Concerns
Be ready to address common fears, such as:
- Loss of autonomy
- Distrust in decision-makers
- Misunderstanding of the legal process
Decide on Your Approach
Tailor your approach based on your loved one’s personality and relationship dynamics. Some individuals may respond well to a direct approach, while others may prefer a gentler introduction.
There are also some Top Tips on starting a difficult conversation about LPAs from the Office of the Public Guardian.
Starting the Conversation
When you’re ready to broach the subject, focus on empathy, respect, and clarity. Here are some strategies to guide the discussion:
- Express Your Intentions Clearly
Begin by emphasising that your goal is to protect their wishes and reduce potential stress for the family. For example:
“I’ve been thinking about how important it is to have a plan in case something unexpected happens. I want to make sure that your preferences are honored no matter what.” - Acknowledge Their Autonomy
Reassure your loved one that this conversation is about empowering them to make their own decisions. Say something like:
“This isn’t about taking control—it’s about ensuring you’re in charge, even if you can’t communicate your choices in the future.” - Use Personal Examples
Sharing a personal story or anecdote can help illustrate the importance of the LPA. For instance:
“Remember when Aunt Mary had that accident? It was so hard for Uncle Joe to handle things because they didn’t have anything in place. I’d hate for us to face something similar.” - Be Patient and Listen
Allow your loved one to share their thoughts, fears, or concerns without interruption. Validate their feelings by saying:
“I understand this can be overwhelming. Let’s take it step by step and address any questions you have.”
Addressing Resistance
It’s not uncommon for people to resist the idea of an LPA. They may see it as unnecessary, fear losing control, or feel uncomfortable contemplating future incapacity. Here’s how to address these objections:
Reframe the Conversation
Shift the focus from incapacity to preparedness. For example:
“This is just like having insurance—you hope you’ll never need it, but it’s there for peace of mind.”
Highlight the Benefits
Emphasise how an LPA simplifies decision-making for everyone involved. For instance:
“This will make things so much easier for us if we ever need to step in and help you.”
Involve a Third Party
If resistance persists, consider involving a neutral third party. This could be a lawyer, doctor, or financial advisor, to explain the process and its importance.
Next Steps After the Conversation
Once your loved one agrees to consider an LPA, guide them through the next steps:
- Choose the Right Attorney(s)
Help them think about who they trust to act in their best interests. This could be a family member, friend, or professional. - Consult a Legal Professional
Think about whether to engage a specialist solicitor or legal advisor to draft the LPA and ensure all legal requirements are met. Also, check our article on comparing online services for getting an LPA. - Complete and Register the LPA
In most jurisdictions, an LPA must be registered with the appropriate authority (e.g., the Office of the Public Guardian in the UK) to be valid. - Communicate with Family Members
Encourage transparency by informing other family members about the LPA arrangement to prevent misunderstandings later.
Maintaining the Dialogue
Discussing the LPA is not a one-time conversation. Circumstances may change, requiring updates or revisions to the document. Keep the lines of communication open by:
- Regularly checking in to ensure the LPA still aligns with your loved one’s wishes.
- Encouraging ongoing discussions about future planning and decision-making.
Conclusion
Starting a conversation about Lasting Power of Attorney with a loved one can be challenging. But, it’s an essential step toward safeguarding their wishes and easing the burden on your family. By approaching the topic with empathy, preparation, and patience, you can foster a constructive dialogue that empowers your loved one to plan for the future. Remember, this isn’t just about legal documents. It’s about providing peace of mind and ensuring that their voice is heard, no matter what lies ahead.
